GWINNETT, Ga. (AP) — The entire Buffalo Bills organization was a no-show today at the first 2009 workout held by WR Terrell Owens at his home in suburban Atlanta. Although the Bills’ participation in the workout was technically “voluntary,” T.O. was clearly disappointed.

“I think it’s important that they make the effort to show they’re ready to be a part of what I’m doing,” said Owens, adding that he was hopeful some Buffalo players and coaches would start filing in later this week. “I’m committed and ready to go; the gatorade is on ice in the backyard and Madden ‘09 is loaded in the Xbox. I’m just looking forward to the rest of the team getting in here so that it can start learning my offense.”

Signed to a 1-year, $6.5m contract two weeks ago, Owens dismissed any notion that he has had “locker room” issues in his previous stops. “If you go back and look, you’ll find that I’ve always maintained that I am an excellent teammate. Really, throughout my whole career, I don’t think I’ve had one bad thing to say about myself.”  

T.O. was somewhat dubious of the reasons he was given for the Bills skipping out on his first workout session.  “Other commitments, they said….something about ‘mini camps’ and ‘OTAs’ or some such. I don’t know, that sounds made up to me. ‘Mini camp’…what the heck is that?” Still, the controversial wideout remained optimistic. “It’s early,” he said, “they still have plenty of time to prove themselves to me.”

Also, at the conclusion of his session with reporters, Owens seemed to be caught off guard when asked how he would adjust to playing in the cold and snow of upstate New York, responding “Umm…play where in the what, now?”

-RH

CULVER CITY, Ca. (AP) — Fourteen  people were injured today in a pileup along US Interstate 5 in the Los Angeles area, when slugger Manny Ramirez wandered onto the highway and started tossing baseballs in the air and hitting them in all directions. Ramirez was apparently celebrating the 2-year, $45mm deal he signed with the Dodgers on Wednesday. In all, twenty seven vehicles were involved in the incident, and three persons were hospitalized in stable condition.

“At first I was kind of horked off about the whole thing,” said driver Ryan Wilmot, of Tarzana. “Then when I heard who caused it, I realized it was just ‘Manny being Manny,’ so that’s cool.” Others shared Wilmot’s sentiments. Marie Lopez of Santa Monica said “If anyone else had done this, I’d say the (expletive deleted) should be hauled off to jail. But it’s Manny Ramirez, what do you expect?”

Culver City Police said that no charges will be brought, citing the fact that ”Manny was being Manny,” and taking the blame for not being “ready for something like this.” Authorities in Boston and Cleveland have reported that Ramirez successfully used the “Manny being Manny” defense on many occasions during his tenure with the Red Sox and Indians, to avoid prosecution for such offenses as missing key games, oversleeping, speeding, securities fraud, armed robbery, and masterminding a Ponzi scheme.

Legal scholars say that this defense is only successful in limited instances. According to Reginald Bloomstein, professor of Criminal Law at Pepperdine, “the approach was first famously invoked following the 1968 assasination of Robert F. Kennedy, when the defense based its entire case on ‘Sirhan being Sirhan.’ To succeed, the defendant must meet two key criteria: he must possess a certain quality of lovable goofiness, and he must have an extremely high on base plus slugging percentage. Unfortunately for Sirhan, he was very lacking in both elements.”

Some authorities claim that the defense actually pre-dates the American Revolution. A recent discovery of a clerk’s trial notes from Salem in 1692 contains an entry stating simply “Rebecca Nurse beest thou Rebecca Nurse.”

Regardless, one thing is for sure: with his new contract in place, Angelinos can start preparing for two more years of mayhem, destruction and bloodshed, just a part of the good fun of Manny being Manny.

-RH